Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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