If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Randomize
