I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
