just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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