i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
