The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
