I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
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