I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
