I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
