What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize