This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I just had sex on a roof
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
