And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
so much tequila, so little girl.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
