I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
