Operation Purity has been aborted
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
