u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize