I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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