Fine. I'll sleep in my office
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Randomize
