i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
