ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
