I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Randomize
