just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
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