I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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