I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
