did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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