My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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