I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
