he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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