she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Randomize
