Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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