It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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