Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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