There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
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