Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
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