Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
PANTIES FOUND
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