Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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