I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
