College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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