how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize