I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Let's get the cat blown out
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
