saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
