OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
