so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
