I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
The beer is more important than you right now.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
