my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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