I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
