I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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