she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
