Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I forgot how hot balto sounded
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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