she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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