I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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