Non-Jews are for practice
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
