hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
