How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
