I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
