Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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