Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I am one with the molecules
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
