So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
A+ Viking dick
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
