Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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