God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
