The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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