He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
