Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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