remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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