I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
