you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
being pregnant is like rehab
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
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