Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
