I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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