i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
