if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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