Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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