He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
