she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
