dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Someone stole a lamp last night.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
