So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
