never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
